La Gringa’s First Hispanic Baby Shower

It was another cultural learning experience for me this weekend as Nancy and I threw the Hispanic Ministry’s first baby shower.  Nancy is married to Mario, the ministry leader, but like me, she’s a “Gringa” – frequently the only other one there on Sunday nights.  So, yes, we’ve sorta bonded. 

But, cultural ignorance aside, we figured we know how to put the basics of a baby shower together: food, decorations, gift table…

And we let it take on a life of its own from there.

And what a life it had!

Here’s what I learned from my first Latina/Hispanic baby shower:

1.  Kids, kids and more kids!  Every woman who came whose kids are in this country brought them.  All of them.  There were more than twice as many children as there were women in attendance at the shower.  So all the balloons I had so tidily installed at the corners of the streamers around the room?  Kid toys.  About an hour in, they were flying around the room, tiny hands bopping them to and fro.  Fifteen minutes later, when one of the boys discovered a cool place to pop them, they were gone.  ‘Cause of course popping balloons is way more fun than playing with them.  I went ahead and called Fred and told him just to bring the twins and take the evening to himself.  They might as well be there, too!  The end of the evening may have seen me running full-speed around the yard with about 10 small dark-haired heads not far behind.  Tag.  Decorum?  Out the window.  But fun?  Oh yes.

2.  The Menfolk – will tell you that baby showers are “just for the women.”  However.  That’s.  Not.  Quite.  the Case.  The guys all drove their wives (and aforementioned offspring!) to the event.  Very gentlemanly.  I like it.  And then?  They stayed.  Now to give them the credit they are due, they did stay off to themselves in a side room and out on the deck.   They did wait to be invited to come get drinks, then food, then dessert.  But they were there.  The whole time.  Want proof?  Here it is (though this is not all of them):

Now in fairness, the shower was at Mario’s house (he’s second from the left).  And it was Manuel’s baby being honored (he’s on the far right).  The rest were just there.  They’re family – or like family – to Ana and Manuel, and I’m glad they stayed.  But, wow, you can’t get our U.S. American guys to come to a baby shower for anything!  No way!   These guys?  Not into the “girly” stuff at all; of course not.  But they were apparently happy to be there and helped carry all the stuff out to the cars at the end.  And the couple having the baby felt supported by all their friends.  It was great!  But yes, there were loads of men at the baby shower, too.   And men eat more than women.  It’s just a fact.  One I’ll be taking into account the next time I’m planning one of these.

3. Community – When one gal’s having a baby, it doesn’t matter whether you know her that well – or even at all.  You come.  You give a small gift.  Whatever you can afford.  You help because sometime in the past someone has helped you, or sometime in the future, they will.  I’ve been around for seven months now, and I happen to know for certain that these three ladies barely know Ana, but they came anyway!

The one in the middle is my best friend in the group, Reyna.  Nancy takes care of the kids on Sunday nights, and a lot of the other women end up having to work, so Reyna and I are frequently the only women in the Bible study.  Consequently we’ve gotten pretty close.  She’s learning English just as quickly as I’m learning Spanish, thank goodness.  But even from the beginning, she really wanted to be my friend and was remarkably patient with my limited ability to express myself.   I’m sure I’ll be writing more about her in the future.  But back to the shower…

4.  Games, Gifts and Cake - With all the aforementioned kids in attendance, there is no way to fit in one of those “change the baby doll, using only cloth diapers” relay games.  Ah, well. 

On to the gifts.

But, oh yeah, the kids are there too.  Mom gets to see the gifts but doesn’t necessarily open them.

Moving on to dessert.  Tried to get a shot of the cake but someone had already beaten me to it and added some prank cashew “parents” peeping into the center baby carriage.  Very tasty nonetheless.  But I tried to picture my own mom trying to run this shower.  Oh the “chaos!”  No way.

 5.  Hermanas Son Hermanas [Sisters are Sisters] – I asked Ana if she’d like a picture with her sisters at the shower.  Like me, she has two.  Like me, she’s the oldest.  And I had to laugh when they lined up in what I call “Prom pose” for the picture because just a week ago my sisters and I did the same thing when getting our picture taken at the beach.

Who taught us to do that?  I don’t know, but apparently it’s universal. 

6. Acceptance for the Faint of Skin Tone – I’m used to sticking out in this group.   I get a lot of “muy alta!” (“very tall!”); I tower over the women (here with Ana).

My Spanish is sketchy at best.  I sometimes mix up my “tu” (informal “you”) with my “usted” (formal “you”) with newcomers, which could be considered rude or overly familiar.  (Honestly, I’m not exactly sure when it’s the right time to make that switch, so I guess and then listen for reciprocation.)  I don’t get all the jokes, and they think it’s hysterical when I employ the little bit of slang I’ve picked up from them.  But when I was about to leave with the twins, Manuel and Ana stopped me at the door, grabbed Mario and Nancy, and told us that while they had been worried about having a baby here – without their families to support them – they now consider us their U.S. family. 

They weren’t expecting it from “personas quien no son hispanas” [people who aren't Hispanic ... that they even phrase it THAT way is noteworthy; they're trying NOT to use the term "gringas" because of its sometimes negative connotations]. 

They actually didn’t even think the shower would really happen.  [I guess they've been let down by people who look like Nancy and me before.]  But it did, and it was HUGE – 50 people easily.  And they have most of what they need to start out with this new baby girl they’re having.

Alisson.  That’s her name.  A U.S. American name (though Manuel did point out that it’s originally Arabic.)

Truly, all I did was pick up some fruit, hang streamers and balloons, buy a gift, and ask around for some hand-me-down clothes and toys from the young moms I know.  Just that little bit of effort by someone who looks like me made a big impression.  I  get it, and yet I don’t. 

But that’s why I’m totally sucked into this group.  What a wild and loud event!  But full of joy, support and LIFE.  Not a “baby shower” like I’m used to.  But I could get used to it – would really like to get used to it.

My first Hispanic baby shower.  Of many, I hope.