Where’s this Heading?

[My sister Amy and I were leveling out our picnic area in the backyard for our other sister's wedding a few weeks ago.]

Heriberto: Mama, can we help?

Me: Sure!  Here are some rakes; just try to make the dirt smooth and flat, like we are.

[Minutes later]

H: Mama, how ’bout we just use our feet and stomp it flat.

Me: Ok, whatever.  That’s fine.

[Minutes later]

H: Mama, can we take our shoes off and stomp in our bare feet?

Me: Umm, sure, why not?

[Much dancing and whooping and digging of toes in the dirt ensues, and then...]

H: Mama, what happens if we just get down in the dirt and snuggle it?

[???!!]

Equals One Mile

[The boys learned about distance measurements in school this year, and "feet in a mile" has become their favorite measure for "A LOT."  Some examples:]

1. “Do we need 5, 280 moms to help out with our class?”
2. “Mama, are you 5,280 days old?”
3. “I’m going to keep saving my allowance till I get $5,280 in the bank!”
4. [Not that I ever get frustrated with them, but...] “Mama, are you annoyed ’cause you’ve already told us that 5,280 times?”
5. “Wow, I’m so hungry, I can eat 5,280 quesadillas!”

[José previously went through a phase where everything was "134," so this is apparently a trend.  At least I can tie it back to some actual learning this time!]

‘Cuz That’s How They Roll Out There

[While playing with a Lego city they Heriberto had just built:]

José: No, Bear!  Your cars are going the wrong way on the road!

H: No, they’re not!  They go over here!  Mama, don’t they go over here?!

Me: [noting the left-side-of-the-road placement] Well, guys, if they’re in  most countries, yes, they’re fine.  But José’s right that here in the U.S. we drive on the right side.

J: [moves car to the right] Yeah, these guys are in the U.S.

H: [moves car back to the left] Yeah, they’re in the U.S., but they’re in Chicago.

[And for some reason, José was fine with that explanation, and the cars stayed left.  Guess they've heard about the politics out there, then.] 

Not That We Can Relate to This Experience or Anything

[We recently hung a suet feeder from our tree near the deck, hoping to attract more birds that we can watch and learn about... but we have a squirrel problem healthy squirrel population here in our neighborhood, so I opted for a hot-red-pepper suet block to keep them out of it.]

J: We put up the spicy pepper block because the squirrels don’t like it?

Me: That’s right.  And the birds don’t mind the spiciness, so they’ll come eat it.  In fact, they really like the hot pepper flavor.

J: Even the baby birds do?

Me: Well, I don’t know.  But maybe the parent birds tell them it’s really good, and so then they try it and like it.

J: Or MAYBE the baby birds don’t really like it, but then the mommy birds just tell them to “muscle through it,” and so they do.

[Huh, you'd think that last bit was auto-biographical...]

We Drink What?!

[Picking them up from swim team practice]

Me: Good news guys: I got almost all the grocery shopping done, so we don’t have to do that later today.  Except we’re going to have to stop somewhere to get milk.  Walmart didn’t have any.

H:  You mean they didn’t even have any Fat milk or Skin milk?

[No, definitely not... though I do think they prefer the terms "Whole" and "Skim"...]

Should’a Sprung for the Chest X-ray:

The boys and I were out trimming back some plants in our front gardens, when José asked me, “Mama, what was it again that our bushes had and then you had to dig them out and throw them away?”

[Correct answer: Gall.]

Heriberto (with full authority of tone): José, you know the answer to that question. It was tubarkulosis.

[Or that.]

The Purpose-Driven Side-Effect:

José (humming to himself, then starts singing): Chemotherapy, chemotherapy, chemotherapy…

[yeah, he does that with long words, sometimes]

House Guest : José, do you know what chemotherapy is?

José:  [deer-in-the-headlights look]

Me: Yes he does; we’ve been talking about that recently. José, what do people use chemotherapy to get rid of?

José (lightbulb!): Their hair.

The Circle of Life

Heriberto:  Mama, how come you mostly don’t eat so much desserts?

Me:  Well, because unless I know I’m going to be getting some exercise, I don’t want to eat too many fats and sweets ’cause my body’s not growing like yours is.

H:  Are you going to get taller?

Me:  No, I’m done growing.  So I can only get bigger out sideways.  And actually, eventually, I’ll start getting shorter!  ‘Cause that’s what happens when you get old.

H (hailing back to the food chains and natural cycles we’ve studied this year):  It’s like a Life Chain!  First you grow, then you get shorter!  (dancing around and singing, now)  First you grow, then you get shorter, first you grow, then you get shorter, first you grow, then you get shorter… and then the decomposers eat you.

[Wow.  And, with that thought, NOW I need to go get some chocolate.]

__________

Single Hispanic Male, Seeking…

[During a discussion they initiated over lunch about who you can and cannot marry]

José:  I’m going to marry a veerrry pretty girl.

Me:  I’m sure you will.

J:  Yes, and she’s going to have red earrings that go like this (draws spiral shapes with his fingers in the air below his ears).

Me:  Really, she’s going to have red swirly earrings?

J:  Yes, but they’re also going to have a circle around them like this (more drawing in the air).

[So, dear readers, if you're raising a very pretty daughter who has large taste in accessories, you might want to guard her from my second-born.  For now.  (Though he's going to make a fine husband some day, if I do say so myself.)]

__________

Put a Ring on It

[Continuing their lunchtime discussion into playtime with their knights later]

J [holding the Prince and the Princess character, Prince speaking to Knight]:  Hello, Sir Knight, do you want to meet this girl I’m going to marry?

H [as the Knight]:  Oh, she’s your Beyoncé?

[uhhh... I think that's "fian--", oh, never mind.]

__________

For more Tiny Talk, visit my friend Mary’s TTT blog carnival at NotBefore7.

No Supervision Necessary:

José (to my sister): Tía Amy, when was your car made?

A: It’s a 2003.

J: So how old does that make your car?

A: I guess that makes it 8.

J: Your car is old enough to stay home by itself!  [In our state, that's the magic age for kids not to need a sitter.]

A: Ha! Yeah, your right!  I’ve left it home alone anyway though.

J: Yeah, ‘cause it’s a car, and it can’t go anywhere by itself.

___________

Like Father, Like … umm… Savanna Wildlife?

Heriberto:  Mama, why is it that Daddy Lions make the Mommy Lions go out and do all the work?

Me:  Well, that’s just how lions are:  the females do most of the hunting.

J:  And the Daddies stay home with the kids and do school and stuff?  [Right!  Someone's gotta work on the cubs' penmanship!]

Me:  Well, yes, they stay home, but a lot of the time they’re just sleeping.

H:  Oh!  (lightbulb moment)  Like Papa! 

[Bonus note: it was a quarter to 10 a.m. on Saturday when this conversation occurred, and yes Papa was indeed still in bed.  Nature lesson: check!]

___________

Vocabulary Lesson for the Week

(Every once in a while the boys will incorporate a word in their day to day conversation that they don’t realize isn’t really a word.  Being the great mom that I am, I do the only right thing TO do: start using that word myself and moving it into the family vernacular.  ‘Cause it’s cute.  My poor children.) 

1. Garf - verb, meaning: to gag up something.  Used in an actual sentence:  “Tia Amy’s cat  catched a mouse one time and he started to eat it, but then he garfed up it’s intestines – ewww!”  Ewww, indeed, but what a great word for what the cat did!
2. Poink – verb, meaning: to stick with a sharp object (pretty sure it’s a combination of “poked” and “pointy” that got them there, but I don’t actually know).  In context:  “Watch out for the stickers on that plant.  You might get poinked.”
3. Sharp – verb, meaning “to scratch”;  In Context:  “Oh no, Papa, don’t sharp me with your face!  You need to shave!”

 ___________

In Which I’m the Fruity Candy Cane

[while hanging candy canes  on some of our Christmas garland]

Me (finding one multi-colored cane in the midst of our peppermint ones):  Oh, why don’t we just eat that one instead of hanging it up.  It doesn’t really go with the rest.

J:  Yeah, that one’s just like YOU at Spanish Bible Study!   [Yes, I believe I have mentioned that I'm "La Gringa" there...]

Me:  Yeah, I guess that’s probably kind of true.

J (just in case I’d missed the metaphor):  Uh-huh, all those ones are the Hispanic people, and this one is you.  You don’t look the same.

[No kidding?  And now I'm wondering if I've just condemned myself to being eaten outright.]

___________

For more Tiny Talk, visit my friend Mary’s TTT blog carnival at NotBefore7.

___

Signs That We Need to Add “Learning Basic Measurements” to our Curriculum: 

J [to H]:  We’re six and a half.

H:  Mama, is that right?  Are we six and a half?

Me:  Well, not yet.  You’ll be six and a half in February.  You’re a little less than that right now.

H:  Like six and three inches?

[Uhhh...]

___

Science Lessons in the Van:

H:  Mama, how come when we stick both our fingers in our nose holes and try to breathe out, our heads get all cloggy?

[How come both of you know that that's what happens and have apparently discussed it prior to this conversation???]

___

Is it Any Surprise that Fred’s Kids have Food Nicknames?

Fred (to José, upon returning home from work):  Hey my tiny chico-bean!

J:  I’m not “Beans;” I’m “Frito!”

[Yes, indeed, Bear is "Berto Beans" and José has been shortened from "Josito Favorito" ("favorite little José" in Spanish) to "José-Frito" ...  quite unintentionally our kids are named after menu items.  And they own it.  Whoops.]

___

Is the World Ready for the Next Incandescent Bulb?!!

H (after paging through one of his favorite books):  Hey, Mama!  Did you know I’m just the same as Thomas Edison?

Me:  Well, he did like to ask a lot of questions, and so do you …

H:  Yeah, HE was chatty and home-schooled, and I’M chatty and home-schooled!  We’re just the same!

[Oh, so true - especially on the "chatty" count!  And I'M putting in my requests for retirement accommodations right now before the patent money starts really rolling in!]

___

Well, Not “Funny” but Definitely “Sweet:”

[after an incident where José had been being a bit annoying, but Fred was too short with him nevertheless, so Fred apologized]

F:  I’m sorry.  That was not how I want to talk to you.  Will you forgive me?

J:  Yeah, I forgive you.

J [2 minutes later]:  Papa, I forgive you for being grumpy.

J [after a few more minutes]:  Papa, you hurted my feelings but I forgived you.

F [sensing that there might be more J wanted to say]:  So we’re friends again?

J:  Papa, we’ll always be friends ’cause you’ll always be my dad.

[Awww...melt.... And something we don't get to take for granted, since this little guy knows he has another set of parents out there!  Wish I could freeze-frame life sometimes!]

___

For more TTT, visit my friend Mary’s blog carnival at NotBefore7.

[Outside, while gardening]

Jose:  Mama, do ants ever fight each other?

Me:  Yes, I suppose so.  Like if two different colonies want the same food.

J:  Oh, so some of them are British?!

[In the car]

Heriberto:  Mama, what year was it when you were born?

Me: 1978

H:  So the Redcoats were still here when you were a baby?

[Umm... no, that would've been 1778... but thanks for that]

For more TTT, visit by friend Mary’s blog carnival at NotBefore7.

And so my first TT is from just before my trip last month:

[Explaining to his co-op teacher that they would be absent during the week of my trip]

Heriberto [loud and clear for all the families to hear]:  Mama’s going to El Salvador, and we won’t be here because Papa’s too shy to bring us!

[Thus sealing forever that Fred will not set foot in that classroom... even though, no, he's not!] 

[I've been working with José recently on doing his brother the courtesy of waiting for him to wake up on his own in the morning, rather than José waking him up and Heriberto being tired all day.  I should point out that BOTH boys get up before Fred and I do, so we don't really know what all goes on...]

Me:  Did you let ‘Berto sleep all the way till his body was ready to wake up by itself?

J:  Mmmhmmm, but Monkey [J's favorite stuffed animal] didn’t … he was just dancing around and dancing around, until Bear waked up.

H:  (to José) Yeah, I wasn’t ready to wake up.  You should really put him in timeout.  [They're gonna be GREAT uncles one day!]

[Getting ready for school one morning, I overheard a very heated argument about an imaginary football game the boys were having that included:]

H:  No, NO, NOOOO.  I’m just the only one who’s on the Ravens!  [no doubt why they didn't make it to the Super Bowl this year!]

J:  No, I’M on the Ravens!  You’re on the Colts!  My imaginary friends are all Ravens!

H: No, YOUR imaginary friends are on MY team, and I’m on the Ravens.  And you have to try to beat us, but we’re going to beat YOU! 

J:  But I don’t want to kill my imaginary people!  [not sure why he thinks you have to "kill" anybody in football????]

H:  Well, they left now.  The game is over.

J:  But I still see more imaginary people!

H:  No, those are OTHER people’s imaginary friends!

[I'll let you know how the schizo meds work out for us.]

[On table manners, during a recent spaghetti dinner]

Me:  Boys, please use your utensils.

J:  Mama, in José World, they don’t use forks.  In José World they just use their hands.  (wiggles greasy fingers and grins)

["In 'José World?'"  Where do they get this stuff?]

[Fred, trying to explain the concept of money to the boys]

F:  Where do you get your money?

J:  From Mama.

F:  And why does she give it to you?

J:  Because she loves us.

F:  [not exactly expecting that one.]  Well, yes, because she loves you, but why else?

H:  Because we do chores.

F:  Right, and also because she loves you.  And where does Mama get the money she gives you?

J:  At the dollar store?

 [Their Tía Amy was over recently, and she started a game of "Tell Me Something that Starts With ____"]

A:  Tell me something that starts with the letter “H”

J:  Something that starts with an “H” … ummm … -GTV?”

[and now you know our viewing habits!]

 For more TTT, visit NotBefore7.  

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