No, we haven’t had any further news from El Salvador regarding our application to adopt there.  Not since they asked for additional information back in February.

Maybe we scared them away with our lack of a nanny?

Pro’ly not.  Seeing as how El Salvador only processed 8 international adoptions to the U.S. in the past 12 months.  More likely we’re just caught up in the stunning lack of coordinated-movement that is the El Salvador adoption process.

Sigh.

So, no, I’m not leaving anyone out of what’s going on here.  There’s just not anything going on here – NEW adoption-wise, anyway.

But our first one has proven to keep providing us with plenty to process.  More on that soon…

And this afternoon’s break just happens to coincide with our completing the last step of our 2nd annual Home Study Update.  That’s right, we’re now rounding out our 3rd year of this adoption process with El Salvador.  Still no decision one way or another from our most-top-of-mind Central American country, but that doesn’t mean we get to let our paperwork lapse here in the States.

I wrote last year about the process and paperwork involved in completing a Home Study Update here in Maryland.  This year, though, we had the added pleasure of needing to re-do our home Sanitation and Fire Safety Inspection in addition to the rest of the updates.

I requested ours 7 weeks ago tomorrow.  Today was the first available date.

So this morning, promptly at 9 a.m., a very nice man named Merle – who bore an uncanny resemblance to Ron Howard, so I have the theme tune whistle from The Andy Griffith Show stuck in my head, thanks Merle – scrutinized our house from top to bottom.  Just in case we’d decided to let it go to pot in the last two years.

We hadn’t.

Though I will admit that the boys’ bathroom does smell a little like a New York subway station, thanks to some aiming issues we’re still working out.

We passed.

And $600 from now, we’ll have our report all freshly dated.  Again.  Just in case THIS 12-month season is the one in which we’re matched with someone(s) in El Salvador who need(s) an increasingly-Spanish-speaking-and-Latin-American-culture-immersed U.S. family.

The boys still pray just about every day for their “brothers and sisters in El Salvador.”  (The “limit-two” clause in our immigration approval doesn’t phase ‘em from asking for more.)

“Lord, please let this be the year.  Amen.”

So that’s done and off to El Salvador!  Now back to waiting.

We got a call from our agency last week that OPA (remember them?  WE almost didn’t) is requesting clarification on Fred’s and my child care plans for the additional children.  That is, they want to know specifically what Fred’s work hours are [suddenly, "full time," as stated in our Home Study Report is too vague... after the report has read that way for over a year and a half] and when he is available to spend time with his children. 

And, also, noting that the number of children with whom I would be “home full-time” would be doubling, was I planning on hiring a nanny?  (Haha, I WISH!  Pero, no.)  Or using daycare?  (<<No saben ustedes que significa “home full time with the children?”  En verdad?>>)  Ahem, also “no.”

I plan on taking care of the next two in much the same fashion as I did the first two.  And if that means sending the older boys to our local public school so that their education doesn’t take an unacceptable hit as I work with the next two in their transition here, then that’s what we’ll do.  I’m hoping to keep them all here together, though, so the siblings can bond even as the newer ones adjust to me and to Fred — and to life in these Estados Unidos.  (Also because the twins are thriving with the home schooling connections we have!)  But we’ll see.  At any rate, sí, por supuesto tenemos un plan.  We’ve had more than 2 1/2 years to come up with it, already! 

And now you, mi querido público, know it, too. 

Very specific questions.  Pretty sure they’re already implicitly covered in the report we sent one year and eight months ago. 

And we have 30 days to respond. 

I’m sure I could look on the bright side and say “What thoughtful questions, ensuring that we have considered just how these new kids will be adequately watched!”  I hope that’s the motivation.  [Though I would like to assert that physical proximity does not necessarily good-parenting make.  Ask us something more indicative of actual loving, supporting, preserving culture and identity!!!  No wait, don't... 'cause we'd have to get that apostilled, too...]

And on the other hand, the fact that the question is coming from OPA 8+ months after we had already supposedly completed the OPA screening process doesn’t engender a great deal of confidence that the process is actually moving forward.  Seems more like we’ve somehow looped back around to where we were a year ago.  ???

But of course we’ll do whatever they ask.  And if it somehow creates more confidence in us as a family, well, ok.  And so our social worker is writing up an addendum to our Home Study that explicitly states these previously un-requested details, getting it notarized and county sealed for us (¡Muchas Gracias, Paula and Stephanie!), and the boys and I will head over to Annapolis to get it apostilled and then send it along to our agency to be forwarded to El Salvador.  Not a big deal, really.  And we’re used to it by now. 

But, man, we hope this means we’re being seriously considered and not just being nit-picked because El Salvador’s adoption authority doesn’t know what to do with us.  Or porque es divertido jugar con los gringos.

We shall see.  Of course, I can’t say when we shall see.   Weeks from now?   Months?

We appreciate prayers, for those of you who pray.  Not so much for us, ’cause as frustrating as it is to go nowhere in a process, we have a house, a family, great friends [some of whom are more fittingly described as "unos buenos amigos" - can't tell you what a blessing that is!], and all our physical needs are met. 

But assuming there are kids there in El Salvador who will be assigned to us because they need to be — well, they’re waiting, too.  But without all those things we already have.  Y merecen tenerlos.

And usually, this other blog is pretty facts-only, and I find it helpful.

Their most recent post, however, really bothers me.  (And I’m not going to name them because that’s not the point, and also because their clients’ names are in the post, and while it’s out there on the Internet, my purpose isn’t specifically to criticize them.  But to point to what I think is a problem “out here” in adoption land in general.)

The post begins with the usual facts-only update, but then it goes into a Q&A format.

About “how many birthmoms have been found,” what they’re doing to find more women in El Salvador willing to place their children for adoption, that they have a marketing strategy to reach more women and acquire children (and by “children,” it seems they really just mean “babies”) ”in a massive way” [their words].

Really?  We want to go out there and hunt down women in poverty – LOTS of them at that, since we want “massive” amounts of babies – and persuade them to give over their children to foreign couples who want babies?  With a marketing strategy?

Meanwhile, thousands of kids (and by “kids” I mean “kids”… past the baby and toddler stage) wait in government-backed institutions, with inadequate conditions, for somebody to come get them.  Their families, if possible, but barring that, new families.

But they’re older, and the effects of their “orphan” status might show up-front (rather than cropping up when they’re teens or young adults wrestling with the fact that they were “found” via marketing strategy, and just what does that mean to them?).

And working through the government orphan-qualification stream is painfully slow and very uncertain.  Also, the children El Salvador prefers to match with foreign families are either older or have medical special needs that would be hard for a Salvadoran family to care for, while we have all sorts of resources here in the U.S. and in Europe.

Not babies, except in rare cases.  Because, as it turns out, Salvadoran families feel the same way as everyone else.  When they adopt (which is less common than here in the U.S.), they like adopting babies.  They are less enthusiastic about a 12 year old, or even a 5 year old.  There are a lot of bureaucratic gliches in the child-welfare system, to be fair to this agency and all the other NGO’s (non-governmental organizations) trying to meet a very real need in El Salvador.  And a lot of babies do get abandoned and subsequently placed in the orphanage system.  Without any identification, they just get stuck there, and that truly is a shameful state of things.

So I’m absolutely not against wanting a baby.  But in my mind, if adoption is your “thing,” there’s a difference between trying to assist in the placement of already-abandoned babies before they spend years with no primary caregiver to whom they can attach and going out and recruiting women to supply babies for waiting couples.

Why solicit more separations when there are already so many?

And what of the other already-waiting kids?

What if assisting poor families so they can stay together was considered a greater success than separating them?

It comes back to one of the fundamental questions in adoption.  Is the purpose of adoption to find families for children who:

• otherwise would not have them, or
• whose first families have already decided they cannot care for them and have relinquished their rights, or
• whose first families have had their parental rights terminated due to abuse or neglect?  

Or is it to find babies for couples who want to become parents or have another baby, but can’t (or just like to have lots of babies)?

I don’t think this agency has malicious intentions, and maybe upon reflection they will go back and re-think this post.  I hope so.  Because what this post reveals is that they have at least momentarily forgotten the purpose upon which they say they are founded: to be a non-profit, child-welfare-seeking entity that assists children and families who need help as well as matching already-abandoned children with new families.

Their answer to the “how many birthmoms have you found” question reveals this slip.  They say they have helped several recently.  But then all but one decided not to place their babies for adoption.  So they’re going to look for more.  My thoughts on this?

• Well, then all those ladies aren’t “birthmoms” are they?  We have a word for what they are: MOMS.  Moms who needed some help, and look!  You gave them what they needed, and now they are in a better place and feel equipped to parent their children!  Way to go! 
• That latter part – that families were assisted in staying together – is something about which to rejoice!  Only when you really wanted to have those kids is it disappointing.
• It’s clearly hard to balance the conflict of interest between the genuine desire (as far as I can tell from the rest of their site) to help women and children as a “ministry” and the nagging reality that there are these other couples here in the U.S. who have already paid several thousand dollars for your adoption services.  They want to finish the process and have a little person to parent.  And most of them are probably very nice people, so you want to see them get that little child baby they so long for.

I reflected on the adoptive-parents side of this coin a few months ago – how sometimes we “AP’s” start to think of adoption as supply and demand.  We can start to think that if we “can provide a great home” we are somehow entitled to get to have children.

Clearly from the agency’s perspective it’s just as easy to slip away from humanitarian assistance and into a business proposition.  Complete with strategic marketing.

When the “product” is human lives being permanently altered.

Pop on over and check it out: “Central American Art – Guatemalan and Salvadoran Artwork“ and let me know what you think when you get back!

I wrote, over a year ago, about how our kids’ adoptions have changed our decorating tastes.  It becomes increasingly the case as time passes.  The plaid couch in my old post is long gone, and our latest purchase (from Chichicastenango in September) is equal in length but nothing like it:

We will look back on 2010 as the year (hopefully “the” year and not just “a” year!) that our case made no significant progress whatsoever in El Salvador.  Our file has remained at the Oficina para las Adopciones (Office for Adoptions) in San Salvador for the entirety of 2010 (on the heels of the last third of 2009).  Sure, it’s been verified as “complete” – but we knew that before we ever sent it. 

Frozen solid.

But at the same time, it’s been the backdrop for a whole bunch of other movement. 

Because we’re thinking “adoption,” we’ve become significantly more aware of the issues, of the perspectives of the others in the triad, of ways to intervene – other than adoption – to support families and cultures who haven’t been as blessed as we have with wealth and socio-political stability.  I began 2010 with no idea how many birth/first mom bloggers and adult adoptee bloggers there are out there.  And so many other adoptive parents are traveling the same path we are, as we seek to be more fully aware, loving and respectful of our kids’ stories.

Then, too, we’ve watched friends bring home their children and settle into the new life of family-by-adoption, just like we did nearly four years ago.  Many of them are coming up to speed on all the ramifications much more quickly than parents did even a few years ago.  It’s encouraging to see, and I know we will have plenty of support when and if our turn comes.

And if nothing else, the length of our wait has gotten us to the top of our agency’s waiting-family list in El Salvador.  One family ahead of us has a referral match of an older child and is waiting for Family Court to finalize; and another came home with their little one this Fall.  We’re still in a queue of over 140 international families, last I heard.  Some have long since left the program and finalized adoptions from other countries, but there doesn’t seem to be a system in place to weed out those “dead files.”  And there are at least some Salvadoran families adopting from the orphanage system, too, which is very good news for the kids getting to stay in their native country (assuming these are safe and loving Salvadoran families).  Even by not-moving, we’ve still sort of moved…bubbled to the surface with our agency and in-country attorney, anyway.

So, no, being stuck hasn’t been all bad.  We’ve certainly grown this year, and the extra time as the “onlies” has been very good for the twins.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not ready for a thaw.  A match tomorrow would be wonderful!  The kids I met last February were all-too-ready to have moms of their own to take an interest in them.  But even a “we don’t want to send our kids to live with you, silly gringos” from the Salvadoran powers-that-be would end the holding pattern.

Content to have lived The Frozen Year.  But equally ready for something new from 2011. 

Fidelina del Rosario Anaya de Barillas was already listed as a Coordinator at OPA on their website (it tends to track a little behind on who’s actually in which position there).  But our Salvadoran attorney tells us she has replaced Milton Alexander Portillo.

From what I heard about Milton, he was a fair man and dedicated to getting the work of approving (or denying) files done in an orderly and timely fashion.  So without having met him, I am sorry to see someone who had a good reputation go.

However, at the same time, the new Director has a background in Family Law and seems very qualified from that perspective.  Google her name and you can see some of the cases with which she’s been involved.

We were told, back in July, that our file had already passed OPA.  So I don’t know that the change in Director will affect us at all.  But maybe it will?  At any rate, around the time we received our OPA “ok,” the Procuraduria issued a statement indicating that she wants to move the adoption process more efficiently than it has been in the past.  This does not, of course, guarantee any prospective adoptive parent an approval.  But even a timely denial would be better than what’s been happening so far.  The article in which Sonia Cortez de Madriz was quoted indicates that there is at least one file still in-process that was submitted in 2003!

Fred and I were married that year and had no idea we’d be adopting anyone at that point.  Wow.  Makes our July 2009 submission look like nothing.

So that’s the latest as I know it.

Still waiting, here in our home, to hear we’ve been officially approved by the Procurador’s (Attorney General’s) Office to be matched to an adoptable child/sibling pair waiting in El Salvador.

And then who those kids are.

On September 15, 1821, Guatemala declared independence from Spain for all of Central America.  Not all the countries there got word right away, though.  Costa Rica didn’t find out for a month.  And then the ensuing centuries have proven to be fraught with civil wars, political tension, and cultural clashes.  The nations still stand, however. 

So today is one of celebration in our kids’ (current and future) birth countries.  Thought it was worth mentioning!

¡Feliz Día de la Independencia, Guatemala y El Salvador – y todos los otros paises, tambien!

I wrote about visiting Fundación El Vínculo de Amor (Spanish for “The Love Link Foundation”) while I was on my trip to El Salvador back in February, and I’ve noticed people keep finding me while looking for their information.  So I contacted Sam and Julie Hawkins to get more details on what they’re up to and how to support them in order to be able to post it here.

MISSION: 

The mission of Vínculo de Amor is to provide temporary care to children in El Salvador under the age of two who are suffering from malnutrition.  At their facility in the capital city of San Salvador, they feed them, love them, address any medical issues they may also have (in cooperation with local hospitals as well as on-site doctors).  Simultaneously, they provide the childrens’ parents with resources and training in order to promote the children’s future growth and development. 

The babies they help stay with them for several months, are reunified with their families, then return for follow-up visits with their parents after they return home.  Vínculo de Amor also occasionally takes in abandoned babies from local hospitals and babies and toddlers from state-run orphanages or the national child welfare agency who are severely under-weight and then nurtures them to health as well.

STORY:

Sam and Julie Hawkins, American missionaries who went to El Salvador to serve during their retirement years, set up Vínculo de Amor in 1987 after caring for one severely malnourished baby who died despite their best attempts at help.  They began the ministry in their own home in San Salvador - doing all the late-night feedings and constant care themselves.  Over the past 23 years, though, the organization has grown, become formalized, and now is housed in its own facility with round-the-clock staff. 

 

Severe malnutrition is one of the leading – if not THE leading cause of death of children under age 3 in El Salvador.  But given El Salvador’s (very recent) history of unrest and sometimes outright genocide by government-backed entities, the country’s people are reticent to turn to government-run care organizations for assistance.  When I was there, Julie told me that it usually takes a lot to persuade people – especially those in the rural areas of the country – that the privately-sponsored Vínculo de Amor is there to help, truly free of charge, and that the children will be returned to their families once they are healthy.  Most often they help one child, and then after that child returns to his or her village having been restored to health, other families bring tiny fragile infants and toddlers out for assistance.

In the last three years, the successes of their baby-care program led them to initiate a program they call Proyecto Canasta de Amor (Project Love Basket), an annual 6-month tour of El Salvador during which they provide assistance and food for the poorest families throughout the country.

Their recent newsletter included pictures of an 8 year old boy named Omar they were able to help through Canasta: 

As Mamacita to two 6-year-olds I can easily imagine what seeing this transformation has meant for Omar’s family.  To go from thinking your son is probably going to die to looking again at a healthy, vibrant young boy must seem like nothing short of a miracle.

And as a 32 year old looking at this “retired” couple from Texas, I can only hope I am so meaningfully engaged in this world when I am where they are.

And so I feature Vínculo de Amor again. 

DONATIONS/CORRESPONDENCE:

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photo credits – Logo & Omar’s Evolution:  The Love Link