And I’ve become really sensitive to something that keeps coming up.  I ran across it again tonight.  An off-handed, hopeful comment by an adoptive-parent in-process about how great it is that her agency has connections with an orphanage with “plenty of young children available for adoption.”

To her, that’s great news!  Lots of babies and toddlers, so she and her family can get one! 

But then look how that sounds from the child’s point of view: “Hurray!  Something has gone horribly wrong in your life (and the lives of a number of your peers), and your birth parents can’t parent you - just what I’ve been hoping for!”

Of course that’s not what my fellow-blogger means at all!  She doesn’t wish harm on tiny people from foreign countries.  Not really.

But sometimes we forget, in all our hopefulness as adoptive parents, that our great joy in getting to parent our kids comes at the expense of a whole other family-of-origin.  First-parents lost a child.  A child – our child – lost first-parents.

Not that that family of origin was “doing just fine till we came along.”  Definitely not.  And certainly children should not be left in abusive or severely neglectful situations.  But many times, it’s not abuse or neglect that leaves orphans available for adoption.  It’s poverty. 

So what we sound like we’re saying when we rejoice that a particular geographic region is flush with adoptable young ones is that we’re happy that someone else is desperate.  So desperate that children have to be moved to new families, new countries, new cultures. 

And one of those someones is our future child.  How’s that for a start-out attitude in a life-long relationship that at least at times will involve that child going through deep grief at all he or she has lost?  Whoops.

And how likely is it that we’re going to do something to combat that poverty when we’re benefiting from its existence?

On the one hand, it’s semantics.  Intent is more important right?  But on the other hand, do we as Americans maybe have a latent belief that everyone is entitled to get to parent?  And to parent from infancy or toddlerhood at that?  And if what we’re looking for isn’t available in enough supply here in the U.S., we’ll cross the globe if need be to find it in some other place that conveniently doesn’t have the handle on welfare services that we do here.

It’s great that as a country we have made the move from the adoption-secrecy of the 50’s and 60’s – where parents frequently believed it was best (and certainly most comfortable) to “pass” their adopted children as biological.  To refrain from telling their children their adoption stories.  Yes, we’ve made healthy progress, in my opinion.

But now that adoption is so acceptable, it seems like it has almost become a given-alternative to biological parenting.  “Can’t” have kids?  Just adopt!  “Want a bigger family?”  There are some great, cute babies available in ______ [fill in the "third world" country].  And worse, we sometimes feel like the “sacrifice” of adopting somehow entitles us to the right to “custom-select” our child.

Which usually, statistically speaking, ends up being a girl between 0 - 2 years of age.

Now that I’m reading adoption stories from adults on the other side of the adoption experience from me – many of them adults older than I – it’s hard to ignore how we sound at this end.  We want kids, we’re excited when we’re matched with kids that meet our desires for our families.  Maybe we forget that it’s not exciting for those kids.  Not now, anyway.  Not while they’re in the process of needing to be adopted.  And not completely even years from now.  They will always have gone through great loss in order to get here, no matter how much they and we come to love each other.  We’re going to need to remember that as their parents.

And maybe think about how we sound.  Adoption is not a supply-and-demand proposition.  It’s a redeeming solution to a heartbreaking situation.

We should want less of those available.  Not more.

I sent our application a month ago, and the appointment is almost a month from now.  So that tells you a little bit about the pace at which this office of our government works.

But in the interest of helpfulness, here’s a quick how-to on getting your USCIS approval notice (REQUIRED for your adoption dossier) for any of the Hague Countries.

1. Complete and mail USCIS Form I-800A “Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country.”  Include with your I-800A:

• an original notarized copy of your Home Study Report,
• a photocopy of your birth certificate (one for each adoptive parent
• a photocopy of your marriage license
• a copy of any required educational course certificates of completion (or proof of any other pre-adoption requirement your state may have)
• A check for $670 (!!!! I know!) filing fee plus an $80 “biometrics” (read “fingerprinting) fee for every adult (person over 18) living in the household.

The complete instructions for the I-800A along with the (sometimes changing) address to which to send the packet are on the USCIS Forms page.

2. Receive biometrics appointment notice in the mail and attend at that time and location.  Bring a book or something.  It involves a lot of waiting in lines.

3. Receive approval notice, photocopy it (SAVE THE ORIGINAL IN A SAFE PLACE!), and include it in your dossier for the country from which you plan to adopt. 

4.  Make a note of the expiration date of your approval (15 months from the FINGERPRINTING date – not the approval notice date).  It will be YOUR JOB to file for an extension if you need one.  They send no notice that your approval is expiring.  It’s up to you!

5.  File for an extension of your approval, using Form I-800A, Supplement 3 if your approval expiration is approaching and your adoption has not finalized.  There is no fee for the first extension, though you do have to get fingerprinted again.  After the first extension, there is a fee each time.  Include:

• an original notarized copy of your most recent Home Study Update Report
• any applicable fee

6.  Once a child has been assigned, you will complete Form I-800, “Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative” as part of the finalization process.  This latter form is what will get you your child’s immigration visa.

We still haven’t received a referral, so we’re filing for our first extension.  We’re hoping this is the 15 month period in which our adoption will finalize!

Now having thrown all those terms out there, what does it mean?  It means we’re kind of “pre-approved.”  OPA is a sub-division of the Procuraduria’s office, so their saying our file is in order means our file IS in order.  We are ready to receive official approval to be adoptive parents to Salvadoran children.  Whenever they do examine our file at a Joint Meeting, I have faith that we’ll pass that inspection.

I say “whenever they do” because while there is a Joint Meeting before the end of this month, and our agency has been told that we’re in the queue for consideration, there is the distinct possibility that they won’t get to our file.  And then they go on holiday for the beginning of August.  So we may be waiting longer to hear.

But on the other hand, maybe we will be approved this month??!!  It marks one year since we sent our dossier down there, so it would be a nice way to celebrate that anniversary – getting official approval.  Once we have THAT, we’re “just” waiting for a match and a referral of some kids who need a family like us.

Either way, though, it’s encouraging to know that we’re progressing.  If only by inches.

Prospective Adoptive Parent Process:  

1. Complete Homestudy Process – Must be done with an agency licensed in your home state, Hague-accredited, and approved by your placement agency (the one with the El Salvador adoption program) if they are not the placement agency.
2. Immigration Approval – Complete the I-800A form found on the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services website, mail it to the central repository along with an original copy of your Homestudy Report, other required documents, and the fee specified in the I-800A Instructions.  It may takes several weeks to a couple of months to hear from USCIS, but then they will give you a Fingerprinting appointment date and time.  Get your fingerprinting done and wait a few more weeks till your I-797C approval letter comes in the mail.
3. Concurrently with #1 and #2, compile your El Salvador Adoption Dossier.  Get documents notarized, county authenticated and state-apostilled.
4. Submit Dossier to Agency – The agency will then forward it to their Salvadoran attorney for Translation and Legalization there in E.S.  (Note:  Translation and Legalization should not take more than a few weeks at most.) 
5. Country Fee Payment #1 – With the submission of the dossier, potential adoptive parents send in the first portion of the attorney’s fee for handling the case (in our case, we paid 1/2 here.)
6. Dossier Submitted to OPA – (Oficina Para Adopciones), an entity under the office of the Procuraduría General de la República - or the PGR - the Attorney General’s Office in El Salvador
7. OPA Review – an in-house review at OPA, by their Attorney, Psychologist & Social Worker, basically ensuring that the dossier is in order.
8. Dossier Submitted to Approval Committee/Joint Meeting (”Reunion Conjunta”) –  of the the PGR and, at least for now, the Instituto Salvadoreño para el Desarrollo Integral de la Niñez y la Adolencia, in English “The Salvadoran Institute for the Integral Development of Childhood and Adolescence” (ISNA), which is responsible for overseeing all the orphanages and foster homes in El Salvador.  ISNA may be replaced by another entity in the future, once everything associated with the new law is in place, but they still represent the child’s case at these meetings for now.  
9. Dossier Approved and Held at PGR for Future Match Meeting  – At the time of this writing, actual notification of this approval is taking about a month to make it to the attorneys, so your file may be approved well before you hear about it. 
10. Dossier brought to Assignment Committee of the PGR – where it and 2 other potential adoptive families’ files are considered for a child/sibling group who is/are eligible for adoption.  The Director of OPA identifies the three possible families and attends the meeting, but it is the PGR Committee (assigned by the Procuraduría, currently Sonia Cortez de Madriz) that decides which family is the best match for the child/sibling group represented. 
11. Referral Issued – If theirs is the file selected for a child/sibling group, the potential adoptive parents (PAPs) are given a referral (”Article 16″ of that child/sibling group.  The referral gives very basic information about the child/sibling group and usually does not include photos.  (They consider issuing photos a violation of the child’s privacy and do not send them until the parents have accepted the referral, in many cases.)
12. Declaration  of Intent to Adopt – Both the Parents and their Home Study agency must send the acceptance-of-the-referral letter to the PGR.  Parents do have the option of declining a referral, but hopefully, if they were the family selected, it’s a good match and they will not need to decline.  Files for families who decline a referral return to the PGR for potential future child-matching.  (It is unclear if declining a referral makes that file less likely to be chosen again.)
13. Country Fee Payment #2 – Either upon acceptance of the referral or travel for the court date (depends on the agreement with the attorney), the balance of the attorney’s fee is paid.
14. Documentation Preparation – The PGR lines up the proper documentation, certifying what would be needed in court, then turns it over to the attorney representing the family.  The attorney then goes to the Supreme Court and formally requests the Family Court’s  Final Hearing date.
15. Travel to El Salvador – Parents get notice of the Family Court date and fly to El Salvador.
16. Parent/Child Meeting  – When given permission from ISNA, parents and the child(ren) meet ahead of the Family Court appearance.  (Apparently, some families do not actually meet their child(ren) until that hearing!)  
17. Family Court Final Hearing – At the Family Court appearance, the adopting parents are asked about their intention to adopt.  If she still has parental rights, the biological mother is also asked about her intent to place her child(ren).  And if they are of an older age (officially 12 years old, though I know of an 8 year old who was asked), the child(ren) is(are) asked about his/her/their desire to be adopted by the PAPs.  Assuming everyone ascents to the adoption, the adoption is finalized.
18. New Birth Certificate, Passport and Visa Issued – The new parents and their attorney petition City Hall for a birth certificate with the new parents’ last name for the child.  Once obtained, they get a passport in the child’s new name and then apply at the parents’ country’s Embassy for a Visa for the child.  (For U.S. citizens, the child will receive an IR-3 Visa, conferring automatic U.S. citizenship to the child upon entry into the USA.)
19. Travel Home – Once the Visa is issued, Family travels to the parents’ home country (the child’s NEW home country!).

Child’s Process:  

1. Child Placed in Institution – either by parents who cannot care for him/her or by ISNA officials who are placing him/her due to abandonment or abuse.  In many cases, parental rights remain with the biological parents, even if the child remains in the institution until he or she “ages out” at 18.  In other cases, parental rights are terminated by the Family Courts because of abuse or neglect of the child.  These latter children would then be eligible to be adopted.
2. Certificate of Adoptability Issued - Prior to the new law taking effect, ISNA was solely responsible for issuing certificates of adoptability, but it rarely issued them.  With the new law requiring that timely action be taken on behalf of the children in institutions, the Family Courts have been assigned that responsibility.  OPA may ask for adoptability reports on children.  ISNA may still play a role at times.  At other times, it is an attorney, private entity, or someone at the institution who draws attention to the fact that a child should be issued a Certificate of Adoptability.  However it happens, once the Family Court issues a Certificate of Adoptability for a child or sibling group, that report is sent to the PGR for the Assignment Committee to locate potential adoptive parents among the files of those applying to adopt.
3. Match with Potential Parents – At the next available Assignment Committee meeting of the PGR, that child’s/sibling group’s file, with certificate of adoptability, is compared against three files of PAPs.  The PAP file considered the best fit for the child’s/sibling group’s needs is given a referral by the PGR.
4. Adoption Finalization – Once PAPs accept the referral and the paperwork is in order, a Final Hearing date is set at Family Court, where the child/sibling group attends with the PAPs and the adoption is finalized (assuming it is deemed appropriate).
5. New ID and Travel – The child, now adopted, gets a new birth certificate, passport, and visa that reflect his/her new last name.
6. Travel “Home” – which for the child won’t feel like home for some time, but it is the beginning of life in a family which all children deserve and need!

MORE to the point – for us – having been kicked out and resubmitted does not boot us to the back of the line.  We’re still in the queue, based on our original submission date.  (We read that:  “The last 10 months have not been completely wasted,” and we’re happy about that!)

Welcome to Salvadoran adoption.  Months of no news, a bit of excitement, and then back to the waiting.  This time, though, our agency has simultaneously given me a better understanding of how the process is looking, now that the new Child’s Law went into effect in April.  So I’ll post that soon!

I was feeling a little bad that I hadn’t had time to post for the past several days, but actually, this IS what it’s like… the waiting.  And so now my blog reflects it, too.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and support this past couple of weeks!  You do make it easier on us, knowing we have friends and prayer behind us.

-Kim

Still waiting for a REAL answer from our agency.

And as OPA fired two of their staff psychologists a few months back, it’s possible that one of them was part of our review process, and so now someone else wants to double check that screening.

Sigh.

Our file has been there since mid-last year, so our attorney thinks it’s some kind of internal technicality within OPA itself, not something we need to (or can) do anything about.

On the one hand, FRUSTRATING.  On the other, though, at least this means someone’s looking at our file, right?

Appreciate prayers from those of you who pray!

Meanwhile, I’m still mired in home study update paperwork here in the U.S.  Something I can and need to do something about.

Thanks, all!

-Kim

• New Medical Clearances for all Family Members (notarized)
• New State/FBI Fingerprinting and Background Clearances for all Adults in the Home (officially sealed)
• New Child Abuse Background Checks for All Adults in the Home (notarized)
• Employment Letters Verifying Household Income (notarized)
• A Copy of the Most Recent Tax Return
• An Affadavit Stating that there are no Criminal Charges Pending for All Adults in the Home (notarized)
• Child Support Checks for All Adults in the Home (notarized)
• Home Visit

Cost Breakout:

• $60 – Doctor co-pays
• $152.50 – State/FBI Fingerprinting for Fred and Kim
• $600 – Agency Fee for a Home Study Report Update
• $10.10 – FedEx delivery of documents to/from our house

Our Bottom Line this Round? $822.60, plus gas and time driving around to get everything notarized.  But then we’ll be done with that for another year.

Just in time to extend our immigration clearances (permission to bring adopted children into the country) before those expire in July!

Really hoping we’ll see some movement in El Salvador and not have to do this again next year.  Would be nice!

“God and Adoption” – by Tonggu Momma

Please DO read it.  But I’ll summarize a bit here.  Basically, she says that adoption is a redemptive response to a tragic event (that being that a child could not have been or just was not raised by loving biological parents). 

There are many adoptive parents who do agree with T.M.’s philosophy.  I am one of them.  But there are also a bunch who “forget” the deep loss to the child that is requisite for an adoption even to happen.  In their desire to have a child, they view it as what was simply “meant to be.”  And I agree with T.M. that that does a disservice to our kids.

So no more from me – go read her post!

-Kim

Nine months.  So if I had gotten pregnant at that time, I’d be giving birth right about now.

But I didn’t get pregnant.  No, “all” I did was send a huge dossier to El Salvador.  Many in the adoption community refer to that as being “paper pregnant.” 

But then our dossier had to be translated into Spanish.  Later I was told it was submitted for review at OPA in August.  Around the 11th – my birthday, so I remember that.  But OPA, when we checked while I was in El Salvador, has it date-stamped “Received Sept. 16th, 2009.”  So it quite possibly sat on someone’s desk somewhere for a whole month before anyone acknowledged it’s presence.

This is where the virtue of “Adoption Patience” comes in.  It’s similar to just regular plain-old patience, but with the occasional “what on earth?!” thrown in there.  And then a whole, WHOLE lot of silence.

The last “action” our dossier saw was a request for doctors’ licenses back in October.

And we wait.

And wait.

I know the Asian elephant has a gestation period of 645 days (as opposed to the human 266), but I have no idea what a Salvadoran-Adoption-by-Foreign-Parents is going to take.  There’s no formula.  Many people quit in frustration and switch countries (Ethiopia seems to be a popular choice) before making it through the process.  But for those of us who are pretty sure E.S. is where God wants us, there’s no set time-table.

It could be months, years, or never before we hear we’ve been approved.  One big question mark.

It’s a weird place to be, especially when people (inevitably) ask, “Weren’t you in another adoption process?”  (past-tense, ’cause now THEY’RE not even sure they got it right).  Why yes, yes we were … and are … and ever-more shall be, until… well, we don’t know.

It’s quite possible that I’m going to NEED the patience I’m acquiring now when the little one(s) arrive(s).  I remind myself of that.

But, seriously, there are little people down there with no parents to take care of them – I know; I played with some of them.  And the longer they sit there, the harder it is for them ever to adjust to life in a family.  To believe they can trust someone else, to rest in a permanent, unconditional love.  They ought to have that. 

Not so we can “get our kids,” but so they can get their parents.

9 months “paper pregnant” and ????? to go…