I follow an adoption agency blog for another agency than our own because they usually have fairly good updates on the state of the adoption process in El Salvador.  And our agency doesn’t have a blog, so I only get updates for them when I email them my monthly “how’s it going?” check-in.

And usually, this other blog is pretty facts-only, and I find it helpful.

Their most recent post, however, really bothers me.  (And I’m not going to name them because that’s not the point, and also because their clients’ names are in the post, and while it’s out there on the Internet, my purpose isn’t specifically to criticize them.  But to point to what I think is a problem “out here” in adoption land in general.)

The post begins with the usual facts-only update, but then it goes into a Q&A format.

About “how many birthmoms have been found,” what they’re doing to find more women in El Salvador willing to place their children for adoption, that they have a marketing strategy to reach more women and acquire children (and by “children,” it seems they really just mean “babies”) ”in a massive way” [their words]. Read the rest of this entry

January 22 - Hace cuatro años, hoy, nos encontramos los dos niños que se habían convertido en nuestros hijos.  Four years ago today we met the two small men who had become our sons.  A surreal day.  For me and for Fred it was exciting and joyful, one of those days we will remember even when we’re old and senile and so much else has long since slipped our minds.  The day we met the little guys we’d been praying for, planning for, and waiting to meet as we received update pictures. 

There they were.  Our boys.  And what adorable and sweet little people they were. Read the rest of this entry

I don’t know if it’s that everyone made a New Year’s Resolution to write more in-depth blogs or what, but there were tons of great, thought-provoking posts written this week!  So this is going to be my longest link-roundup to date.

As always, I don’t necessarily agree with all the opinions expressed but do appreciate that they were expressed and provided perspectives worth considering.

Adoption-Related Links:

“Why Didn’t You Say Something?“ at The Declassified Adoptee on why she waited until her adulthood to really verbalize her feelings on having been adopted – and the Adoptee Rights advocacy she’s involved in today.  Also, earlier this week, she wrote “January 3rd: One Year Ago We Said “Hello Again.“ – about the day she spoke with her first mother for the first time in nearly 25 years.

“Why Continue?” at Our Little Tongginator – adoptive mom in process for a second time on their reasons for adopting, even as some people strongly disagree with her choice to do so.

“Adoption Investment“ at Adoption Paradox – her feelings on being told that being adopted cross-culturally gives her “the best of both worlds.” Read the rest of this entry

H. lost his second tooth this week.  First “lost” it by pulling it out of his mouth.  And there was great rejoicing in the land and much showing-around of the tiny prize.

Then “lost” it altogether.  We’ve looked.  I think it’s possible he left it near a pile of crumbs that someone in the family mystery elves didn’t clean up from the night before.  And I didn’t even notice it when I was wiping up.

And the young prince grew concerned that this might result not getting his coin.

But fortunately for all the citizens of this kingdom, the Tooth Fairy is a gracious character, especially when it’s probably her own darned fault for cleaning up the kitchen before having her morning coffee when there might be small teeth lying around.  The lad shall have his coin.  With accompanying reminder that he must relinquish the next one in the more traditional manner.

The End.

P.S.  Thanks, Ali, for the $1 coins!  This is the first one he’s gotten (we just gave him a quarter for the last one), so he’ll be surprised!

See also Part I: God, Destiny and Adoption: Were Our Kids Meant to Be Lost?

PART II:

One of the biggest objections to international adoption that we run into is the allegation (sometimes proven) of corruption in “the adoption system.”  That children have been and are being “exported” like goods.  There are documented cases of bribery of birth moms, kidnapping, and at  the very least, an advantage of the privileged over the poor, vulnerable and under-represented… the convincing of (usually single) mothers that someone else is more capable (even “worthy”) of parenting their children.

It’s not unique to international adoption.  Many of the same issues arise in debates over domestic (particularly infant) adoption as well.  I was reading a very raw an honest post by a first-mom last night that reflects the pain of her loss – and a very definite stance against adoption altogether.

Those objectors are people with stories, so we can’t just dismiss their thoughts and feelings.

As Christians, how do we face the question of whether our children could have been placed with us through unethical means?

I wish I could find a font to emphasize just how seriously we take that question. Read the rest of this entry

I just linked to Tracy’s Folk Salvadoran art post on Saturday in my The Week’s Links and must have sent Fred psychic signals or something because he wrote one very similar about our own dining room over on our home improvement blog.

Pop on over and check it out: “Central American Art – Guatemalan and Salvadoran Artwork“ and let me know what you think when you get back!

I wrote, over a year ago, about how our kids’ adoptions have changed our decorating tastes.  It becomes increasingly the case as time passes.  The plaid couch in my old post is long gone, and our latest purchase (from Chichicastenango in September) is equal in length but nothing like it:

A few good reads from this week.  As always, I don’t necessarily agree with all the opinions expressed but do appreciate that they were expressed and provided perspectives worth considering.

“Ignorant Questions About Open Adoption“ from O Solo Mama sparked a string of responses all over the Internet. A couple I read:

• at This Woman’s Work
• at Pound Pup Legacy

“Catching a Grenade You Threw Can Be Messy“ at My Mind on Paper – regarding how adoptive parents view the birth parents of their children – and how the kids receive that, whether spoken or not.

“Salvadoran Folk Art“ at Latina-ish – ’cause we have some Fernando Llort work hanging in our Dining Room… and think everyone should be so fortunate as to experience the great things coming out of El Salvador.

“Letter #2“ from Once Was Lost – from a birth mom to the child she placed for adoption (what was supposed to be an open-adoption, but isn’t) 10 years ago.

Recently pulled our Leapfrog Fridge Phonics magnet set back out because several of our friends have toddlers who are learning their letters and can use them when they’re over.  (Plus that “Every letter makes a sound, the ____ says ____” song never gets old.  Oh, wait…)

And, lo, José has found a whole new way to torment his brother:

I suppose I should be glad his spelling is coming along nicely???

The subject of Fate, Destiny, God’s will, or the catch-all “meant to be” comes up a with some regularity in adoption circles.  And I’ve noticed it cropping up again with the new year in some of the blogs I follow.  There was one in particular that’s had me thinking all week.  What DO I believe is “God’s will” (since I’m a Christian, and that’s my frame of reference) in all our adoption details?

What part of it is the compilation of human wills? Read the rest of this entry

I’ve been working on another post this week, but it turned into a short novel, so now I’m re-working it, and I promise to blog something original, soon.  But school just started back up this week, so I don’t promise when I’ll just post the darned thing.  But in the meantime, here are some of the reads I thought were worth sharing this week.

“Honor and Realism About Birth Countries“ by Malinda over at AdoptionTalk.  This one’s actually almost a month old, but I haven’t posted links since then, so here it is.  And it’s a topic Fred and I discussed regularly as we prepared to take the boys back to Guatemala last Fall… and then since then, now that they’re asking questions about what they observed while we were there.

“My Learning Curve: Giving Choices“ by OneThankfulMom at A Bushel and a Peck – a great “quick tip” on helping a child with traumatic background visualize decision-making (something that is very hard when that child is prone to self-destructive tendencies or has suffered enough that having to make a choice is a huge effort).

“What is She?” by AK at 3 Boys and Adoption.  A newly-adoptive mom on the lack of tact of Read the rest of this entry