It was another whirlwind Christmas at our house!  We fulfilled an annual tradition on “Christmas Eve-Eve”  in our house, driving to 34th Street in Baltimore to see the displays the homeowners there have assembled every year since the 1947 classic film Miracle on 34th Street debuted.  A great start to the annual Christmas festivities.

When we got married, Fred’s mom assigned us Christmas Eve dinner as “our” holiday (his oldest sister Lisa has Thanksgiving with her husband … we’re still waiting for his other older sister Kathryn to get hers. [Hey Kath!])  Then Christmas Day begins with just the four of us here, a brunch at Fred’s mom’s, back to our house to host my side of the family, and then the end-of-day hang-out with friends so we can decompress and review the highlights (or funniest moments).

This year’s biggest surprise for the twins didn’t actually involve spending money.  They’ve been dying to watch the Star Wars movies for quite some time now, but we thought they were a little young.  Then this year they managed to check out every Early Reader book on Star Wars the county library system has to offer, memorized all the characters, and saved up their allowance money jointly to buy Lego Star Wars for the Wii, thus gaining knowledge of much of the plotline of the series.  And for his final oral presentation at our co-op, Bear gave a persuasive speech about why he should be allowed to watch the Star Wars movies.  And he had good points.

So their surprise was that we borrowed the whole set of six movies from a friend, and we’re going to watch them over the course of the week while Fred’s off work.

And I found some really cute costumes for their favorite stuffed animals to go along with the theme.  Those did cost money, as Fred keeps reminding me.  ‘Cause they were from “Build A Bear Workshop.”  Not cheap.  But I tell myself they’re getting the $12/apiece worth of enjoyment out of them. 

Hope you all had a great holiday, as well!

34th Street, Baltimore

The Snow Held All the Way Till Christmas!  (and then got rained away in a day…)

Table Set…

…And we had a kids’ table this year (when did I get this old?!!!)

The big people’s table (Fred’s side of the family), minus me:

Here I am!  (mamarazzi)

My knights (who ate their Nerf swords, no lie, so we’ll see if we can manage not to kill each other with wooden ones)

Switching to a Western motif , with their favorite cousin

Christmas morning (pre-coffee, if you can’t tell from Fred’s face) 

A very excited José, showing his monkey his new Darth Vader outfit

The best-dressed stuffed animals on our block

My side of the fam (minus Fred… gotta use the tripod one of these times!)

A handsome sibling set, if a proud firstborn does say so herself!

Off to bed…

… but yes, they were all ready for Star Wars this morning when we woke up!

Some of the best things in life are free (thx, TÍo Chris!)

So my big future-plan this Christmas – I’m going to El Salvador!

Yes, we’ll all be going when our adoption finalizes.  But in the meantime, I’m also heading there this winter to help out with whatever I can in the wake of the storms that hit this Fall. 

Basic Trip Info:

Dates:  February 8-15, 2010

Purpose:  Help out with clean-up/construction at an orphanage for a couple of days and then in one of the villages.

Location:  Just outside San Salvador

Sponsorship:  The trip costs about $1800.  If you’d like to be a part of it, sponsorship is tax-deductible through our adoption agency (who’s sponsoring the trip):

I’ll be sure to post while I’m there on the work we’re doing.  This trip has less to do with our adoption process than with being an opportunity to pitch in just a little to help a country that’s been hit with a major natural disaster in the midst of trying to get its government stable after decades of civil war. 

It does happen also to be the birth country of our future kids and a few of my new friends, too, though, and as such, I am glad to have this opportunity to be as helpful as I can in the time we’re there.  Most Salvadoreans get their impression of U.S. citizens from what makes international (or entertainment) news, and unfortunately, most U.S. citizens associate Salvadoreans with the recent immigration debate.  I’m hoping to create a tiny more-personal bridge by my going.  Sure, we could “just send money” but the folks working down there long-term say that our physical presence makes a greater impression.

So I plan to be physically present for a week this winter.  Definitely asking for your prayers while we’re there!  It’s not a long stay, but I’m hoping it’ll be a useful one for those we serve.

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/37266013@N00/3396616372/

If you’re working with a good adoption agency, they’ll have up-to-the-minute information on what each country wants to see from your dossier.  But in case you ever want to double-check what you’re hearing, check with the U.S. Department of State. 

The requirements your agency gives you should at least cover everything listed here. 

Also useful for checking the status of currently-”closed” countries (we keep an eye on Guatemala, ourselves, since our twins were born there).

Some of the best pix from this past (fantastic!) snowy almost-winter weekend:

Nature-Made Finishing Touches on the Christmas Decor

Hard-Workin’ Man

… His Shiftless Wife-n-Kids “Chillaxin’” …

Part Camel?  (the down-side to those amazing lashes)

Theodore Roosevelt: “Speak softly…”

I get this question a lot.  People have a vague idea that “adoption is expensive,” and the unknown dollar figure dissuades some from looking into it before they even talk to an agency.

So here it is - how much our adoptions have and will cost, and I also hit up a friend for the cost of her domestic adoption, since ours are both international.  But one quick item before I continue: even if you know someone well enough to ask him or her their answer to this question, please, please, please watch your words and never ask “so how much did they [the kids] cost?”  The process costs money; the children are priceless.

Needed to mention that since I’m not the only one I know who has gotten that “off” question – by people who meant no harm, but really…

That said:

International Adoption of Twins - Guatemala* 2006-2007

Agency Fee (For Facilitating the Process between us and the attorney in Guatemala) – $4,300/1st child + $2,200/sibling = $6,500

Homestudy Fees (Report + Inspections/Background Checks/Fingerprinting/Document Fees) – $1,200 + approx $200 = $1,400

Dossier Paperwork Fees (Immigration/Seals/Apostilles/Postage) – approx. $1,000

Country Fee (each country sets its own, meant to cover foster care/court fees/attorneys’ salary/other) – $20, 000 ea. x 2 = $40,000

DNA Testing (to match twins to birthmom) – $705

Travel (pickup trip: flights/hotel – 6 night stay/tours/souveniers) – approx. $3,500

Visas for the Twins – $380  ea. x 2 = $760

Post-Placement Visits/Report Fee – $300

Readoption in the USA – $125

Citizenship Certificates – $420 ea. x 2 = $840

                    Total Cost: $55, 130 (Families with just one child paid between $30,000-$35,000 during that time)

Employer Adoption Assistance – $5,000/child x 2 = -$10,000

Federal Tax Credit $10,630/child x 2 = -$21, 260 

Maryland Tax Refund (due to state adoption tax deduction) = -$3008

                    Our Net Cost: $24, 278 (would’ve been $17, 865   – $22, 865 for just one, according to other families’ experiences)

*Guatemala is currently closed for U.S. adoptions, due to investigations into corruption in that system.  The fees that were being charged to adoptive parents are one of the items being investigated.  It really is unclear where all of our country fee went, considering the twins were in foster care for only 8 months.  Hopefully their new system will be much more transparent – and less costly. 

International Adoption - 2 Siblings -  El Salvador 2008 till whenever we get placement

Application Fees (2 Agencies: Placement + Homestudy Agency) – $350

Placement Agency Fee - $5,000

Homestudy Fees (Report + Inspections/Background Checks/Fingerprinting/Document Fees) – $1,600 + approx $300 = $1,900

Online Education Course (required) – $100

Dossier Paperwork Fees (Immigration/ Psych & IQ Testing/Seals/Apostilles/Postage) – approx. $2,700

Country Fee (each country sets its own, covers court fees/attorneys’ salary/other) – $10,000 (hopefully no additional charge for a sibling!)

Travel (pickup trip: flights/hotels – 3 week stay/tours/souveniers) – approx. $5,600

Visas for the Twins – $400  ea. x 2 = $800

Post-Placement Visits/Reports (3, 6, 12, 24 &36 months after placement - $1,500

                    Total Cost: $27,950 (very slight reduction if we adopt one child and not siblings)

                    Our Net Cost: Under $12,000 (May even be free if we adopt siblings, assuming similar Employer and Tax benefits)

Domestic Adoption – 1 Child - 2007-2009

A friend of mine was kind enough to let me be nosy about the fees she ultimately ended up paying in her adoption process that just concluded.  She and her husband did their homestudy and placement all through one agency, paying similar document and homestudy report fees to those above.  Their total cost:  just under $20,000. 

They chose to enroll in both their agency’s Infant and the Older Child programs because they were willing to adopt either. They noted that enrolling in the second program cost them about $2000, so had they not done that their total cost would have been just under $18,000.

They’ll be getting a $10,000 Employer Adoption Benefit and I told them about the Tax Credit, so when all is said and done, they will Net a Zero-Cost for the Adoption! 

In all the scenarios above, we’ve all had to front the money and then collect on the benefits later.  So, yes, adoption IS expensive at first.  But with the benefits that are out there, the numbers become much less daunting.  Or non-existant. 

I’ll post another time on how to fund an adoption.  But for now, I hope this is at least a start for someone who’s wondering whether or not it’s even possible.

Well, we’ve completed our Kindergarten Nativity Set project!  And because my guys are too wiggly to sit through all the Bible passages that make up the story we celebrate each year, I paraphrased it for them and then added the pictures of the characters we just finished making.  I’m dying to write a more humorous version because some of these characters (ok MOST of these characters) are truly funny-looking.  But that’ll probably have to wait till next year when we pull this all back out.

For now, though, here’s the story of the First Christmas, foreshortened a bit by this Mama who’s about done spending time with hot glue and toilet paper tubes! 

The Christmas Story

(Taken from Luke 1:26-38, Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 2: 1-40, Matthew 2:1-21)

During the reign of King Herod of Judea, God sent an angel named Gabriel to the home of a young woman named Mary who lived in the town of Nazareth in Galilee.

He said to her, “Greetings, highly favored one!  The Lord is with you.”

Mary  was startled and a little bit scared.  But the angel said to her, “Don’t be frightened.  God loves you very much and is pleased with how you are living your life.  He is going to give you a child – a son – and you are to name him Jesus.  He will be unlike any other person and will be called the Son of God.  He will be the King over God’s people forever.”

“How can this happen?” Mary asked, “I am a virgin.”

 The angel explained, “Nothing is impossible with God.  The Holy Spirit will come and make this happen, so that the child to be born will be called the Son of God.”

 Mary answered, “I am the Lord’s servant; so let everything happen as you have said.”  And Gabriel left her.

 Now Mary was engaged to marry a man named Joseph,

but when he found out she was having a baby and knew it was not his child, he planned to break off the engagement quietly.  He was a good man and though he was upset, he did not want to publicly humiliate Mary for what she had done.  But after he had made his decision, an angel appeared to him in a dream and told him about God’s plan and Mary’s role as Jesus’ mother.

“She will have a son, God’s Son, and you are to name him Jesus because he will save his people from their sins.” the angel told Joseph.  When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel had told him and married Mary and brought her into his home.

But during that time, the Roman ruler, Caesar Augustus, decided he wanted to count all the subjects in his empire, so he issued a decree that everyone man had to take his family and go to his home town to register.  So Joseph took Mary to Bethlehem, the town of David, because he was one of David’s descendants.  There were so many travelers in Bethlehem, however, that they could not find any place to stay.  Mary was very close to having her baby, and finally, one of the innkeepers felt sorry for them and offered them the use of his stable.

While they were there, Jesus was born.  Mary wrapped him up in strips of cloth and put him in a manger.

Just outside of town, there were shepherds living out in the fields, taking care of their sheep that night. 

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the space around him lit up.  The shepherds were terrified!  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid.  I have great news to tell you!  Today, in Bethlehem, a Savior has been born; he is Christ the Lord.  You’ll know it’s him: he’s wrapped up in cloths and lying in a manger.”

 Suddenly, a crowd of angels appeared, calling out “Glory to God in heaven, and peace on earth for his chosen people.” 

When the angels left, the shepherds hurried into Bethlehem to see this baby about whom they’d been told.  They found Joseph, Mary, and little Jesus lying in the manger.

They were so excited they told everyone they passed as they returned to their sheep.  The people who heard them were surprised!  But Mary quietly thought about everything in her heart.

Eight days after his birth, it was time for Jesus to be circumcised and dedicated to the Lord, so Mary and Joseph took him to the Temple in Jerusalem.

There was a holy man in Jerusalem named Simeon who sensed the Holy Spirit prompting him to visit the Temple that day.  God had promised Simeon that he would not die before seeing the promised Messiah.  When he saw Jesus, he knew this was the One, so he took him in his arms and thanked God for him. 

That same day, there was also a prophetess named Anna who lived in the Temple and was waiting for the Messiah.  When she met Mary and Joseph and Jesus, she knew he was the One, and she also thanked God for him.

Meanwhile, Magi from the east had seen a star in the sky and traveled to Jerusalem looking for a newborn king. 

They arrived at King Herod’s palace, expecting the baby to be there.  But King Herod knew nothing about it and was very worried because he didn’t want a new king to have been born.  He asked the chief priests and teachers of the law to tell him where the Christ was to be born, and they told him, “in Bethlehem.”

So King Herod called the Magi back to meet with him secretly, and he told them to go to Bethlehem, find the child, and then report back to him so he could go worship him too.  The wise men went on their way, following the star till it stopped over the house where Jesus and his parents were.  They were overjoyed to meet him, and they gave him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 

But they were warned in a dream not to return to King Herod, so the wise men went home a different way.

When they had left, God sent an angel to warn Joseph in a dream to take Mary and Jesus and run away to Egypt because Herod was jealous of Jesus and wanted to kill him.  So Joseph packed up his family, and they fled.

Herod soon realized he had been tricked by the Magi and that they weren’t coming back.  Furious, he ordered his soldiers to go to Bethlehem and to the villages around it and to kill every boy who was two years old or younger.  He would be the only king, he thought.

But God had already protected Jesus and his parents and they were safely out of the way of Herod’s soldiers.  Once Herod died, an angel visited Joseph in another dream and told him it was safe to return to Israel.  But when Joseph heard that Herod’s son Archelaus was the new king, he decided to avoid Judea and took Mary and Jesus to Galilee instead.  And so Jesus grew up in Nazareth.

—————————————————————————- 

(The Whole Cast)

I took delivery of new end tables for our living room today, and it hit me that our taste in home furnishings has taken a sharp turn in the southwesterly direction.

When Fred and I got married, we thought the look we’d go for was “Early American.”  Rugged enough for him (our dining room chairs weigh as much as the boys do) yet not so masculine that it looks like no women live here.  Well, woman, anyway.  I’m it.

Think Amish farmhouse.  But with lighting in the top of the hutch – so “Amish plus electricity.”

Then we found a few oil paintings we loved in Guatemala on our pick up trip to adopt the twins.  So “Amish plus electricity plus crater lakes, Maya marketplaces, and 15th century Spanish architecture.”

Moving from that room (and yes, we left it just like that for now) …

About a year ago, Fred read some articles online about how glass tables are dangerous around kids because they can shatter, and there are so many deaths per year from shattered glass tables.  Etc, etc.  Well we had just such tables – left over from Fred’s bachelor days – in our living room.

To Craigslist they went (are we cruel for letting someone else buy them and take the risk?).  And ever since then, we’ve had a look in our living room that I like to call “Early Trailer Park:”

Ah yes, for far longer than is usually accepted in middle-class America, we’ve been sporting TV trays at both ends of our (nod to my OWN Scottish heritage - plaid?  heck yeah!) sofa. 

But God bless Fred’s mom; she gave us MONEY for Christmas.  Hurray!  And so we finally bought ourselves some end tables.  End tables that match the armoire we bought a while back to house our office supplies and laptops.

And as I was removing the “Hecho en Mexico” tags from the drawer pulls, it hit me:  our sons have actually shifted our decorating style!  If you can call what all I’ve mentioned above “style” (debateable, I know).

Somewhere in all the parenting, we’ve come to a place where even the things with which we surround ourselves in our home feel more “right” if they reflect our combined heritages.  And we didn’t even realize it was happening.  It’s just that we really like something a few clicks closer to a Central American style now than we did six years ago.

Not that there aren’t plenty of white people without Latino kids who prefer Southwestern decor.  But for us, it’s directly related. 

Huh.

That wasn’t something they mentioned in all our “things to consider before you adopt transracially” educational materials.

One of my sisters’ and my favorite Christmas memories from growing up was pulling out the absolutely hideous nativity scenes we made when we were in Kindergarten (clearly at private Christian school!).  Amy’s Peanut-Baby-Jesus and my Construction-Paper-Cone Mary made it front and center of the “Kid Tree” each year.  Then when Lori’s Styrofoam-Cup Angel joined the gang, we had our tree-topper.  (No IDEA why my parents relegated all that goodness to a remote location while the “Family Tree” got Living Room status!)

I’m homeschooling the twins this year, but I didn’t want them to miss out on the humor of looking back on their 5 year old handiwork.  So this Christmas season, we’re building our own extended Nativity scene, a little bit each day.  We read part of the story every morning (2nd time through the whole thing, already); and then we build whatever we decide we want to work on.  And when we’re bored with it (or the paint’s still sticky and we can’t move forward till it’s dry), we stop.

Today was King Herod & his soldiers (mostly because the boys couldn’t wait to make spears).  Tomorrow?  Who knows.  But I’ll be sure to post the complete masterpiece when we’re done!

TO BE CONTINUED…

When we began our current adoption process, we found ourselves working with two separate agencies.  Our placement agency – the one connected with El Salvador – is in Kentucky.  But we were required to get our homestudy done by an agency here in Maryland.

So we have a second agency this time (last time we used one for everything).  And with a second agency comes a second set of personalities and some extra expectations to meet.

So as I mentioned in my prior dossier checklist post, I compiled a checklist table in Word for both agencies’ paperwork requirements.  I laid it out so I could check off each stage for each document (since many of our homestudy docs had to be notarized prior to submission)  And then I highlighted the items on each list that were duplicates, so I could collect them simultaneously.

It took us two months to get everything submitted – not bad considering how many of the items involved waiting on government entities.  When our homestudy report “expires” this Spring, we’ll have to re-submit a portion of these as part of an updating amendment we’ll be required to submit to El Salvador to remain in good standing there.

So I’ll be referencing this checklist again all too soon!  Hope it’s a helpful concept for someone else out there, in the meantime, too!

[Note: when compiling paperwork for your own homestudy, please reference your own agency's particular requirements.  They should be similar to this list, but may vary slightly.]

HOMESTUDY DOCUMENT LIST

Anyone who has ever dined with our family knows we lay claim to one of the pickiest eaters known to childkind. 

For the last nearly-three years, we’ve let that slide for the sake of building our relationship with our son, fostering secure attachment, majoring in the majors, and all that.  But we’ve reached a point now at which we’re asking our little man to muscle through something new (or something he usually refuses) at least one night a week.  At all other times, our rule is generally that you may stop eating whenever you’d like; you just don’t get snacks between meals unless you’ve finished the prior meal.

Now while our little son (who shall remain nameless but whose cover is pretty much blown in the picture below) has a remarkably good attitude about this new change in our mealtime policy, it truly is hard for him to eat certain things.  Primary among his nemises: vegetables.  Any veggies, really.  The only one he feels safe with is raw baby carrots.  Just raw, not cooked.

But since man cannot live on raw baby carrots alone (without turning orangy-yellow), and because we can’t count on every other family catering to his highly-selective food preferences when we’re in their homes, we’re working on broadening his diet.  Like - gasp – mixed veggie acceptance.  Regular mixed veggies.  With a little bit of butter and some salt (he’s scared of pepper, too…sigh).

The other night, he sat there for a half an hour beyond when the rest of us had finished dinner and moved on to the next activity.  I came in to check his progress with the 4 tablespoons or so of mixed veggies he had been given and had, of course, saved for last.  THIS was the “progress” he’d made:

His expression in the first picture typifies his feelings toward the offending vegetables.  Even after eating a few bites and those being ok, he remains ever fearful that the next bite will contain the dreaded “gross fings” he’s trying to avoid.

But he did do an excellent job of demonstrating his organizational skills, I think!

After praising the latter, I sat there with him and cheered him on, every bite, till he finished.

Then came tonight.  Tonight (Thursday) is “Family Night” in our house.  And we’d been planning all day to have a rousing four-way Wii-Sports match after dinner.  Chicken and mixed vegetables dinner.  Both familiar concepts.  Followed by a very popular video game (not to mention Papa’s and Mama’s undivided attention) – a great incentive for this little extravert.

I finished, Fred finished, the other son finished.  The son to whom this post is dedicated ate all his chicken and a few individual veggies (like one piece of corn at a time) and then balked.  We encouraged; he sat there; we reminded him that the game was next; he made glacial progress; so we moved to the next room to begin the game, telling him we’d stop and add him in as soon as he finished.

20 minute time lapse.

In wanders our long-lost veggie-hater, and he tells us he has finished his dinner.  We are excited and all go in to see.  (In the past, he is proud to show us his accomplishment, and we all [twin brother included] do a happy dance to celebrate, then give him a treat as a reward for doing something so hard for him).  This time, there is no celebration, no reward.

For what we find is a generous scattering of mixed vegetables sprinkled all over the floor underneath and around his chair.

Ah, well.  We knew we weren’t rearing a future President (they’re not native-born - no reflection on their otherwise bright prospects!).  But now we really know he’s NOT a reincarnation of the Father of our Country!